The destruction of Ryoma's room
by Quack says the T-shape
Summary: Nanjiroh is bored, so gives Karupin some catnip, which ultimately results in the destruction of Ryoma’s room and the burning of Nanjiroh's porn.


Karupin looked round. Eyes wide, ears alert, tail bushy, gaze was erratic. She swore she saw something move over there! Run! Go! Chase! Catch! Whack!

Nanjiroh chuckled. What could he say; it had been a boring day. Being forced by his wife to shop for gardening equipment to upkeep the gigantic backyard was not his idea of a good day, just because according to her he didn't do anything, and just 'Sat on his ass and rung that stupid bell and read his porn magazines and had fun potentially psychologically damaging their only son all day'. Tch. There was a lot more to it than that!

He also played tennis. AND played with the cat. If he wasn't there, what would the poor cat do? Really, he was just a generous person, giving up his day for the poor, lonely cat, who had no company because her _mean,_ _mean_ master had school to go to.

It was practically animal cruelty. But today, was one of Karupin's lazy days. Easily recognisable, the cat just lazed around all day and did _nothing_.

It was really quite boring. Stupid cat. She was meant to entertain him. The nerve.

So, before he had set out on his little gardening expedition, he had been annoyed at the cat. Knowing, she would not be awake when he got back. Or for the rest of the day. In fact, she would probably only wake up when Ryoma got home, and what use was he then? Then, he had Ryoma to entertain him, like a shift-change. But SOMEONE, was skipping their shift today. Skiving! He couldn't have that!

So with these thoughts in mind as he purchased the goods, was it really any surprise he had suddenly grinned when he saw the catnip plant? It was the solution to all his problems! Fate! Destiny! All that!

He had gleefully returned home, a definite bounce in his steps. He had dumped the garden equipment somewhere, (who cared! He had catnip!) run into his sons bedroom (a definite invasion of privacy, but who cared! It was only Ryoma and he had catnip!). Sure enough, lying stretched out on her back, her cute little fluffy feet hanging in mid-air, was Karupin.

She was dozing on Ryoma's bed, right in the path of the sunlight streaming through the boys window. Nanjiroh chuckled again, and walked over to the source of the light, and grabbed both sides of the curtains and yanked them closed in an almost sinister way, as he was chuckling to himself rather evilly as he did it.

It took a few seconds for the cat to react; she twitched slightly, before her whole body began to wake up, the lack of heat becoming obvious. Slowly, she opened her eyes, glancing around, before rolling over in a flopping movement, and gazing sleepily at Nanjiroh who was grinning.

"Awwww, poor little cat. Such a hard life. The light's gone hasn't it?" He chuckled again.

Then he grabbed the plant from the plastic bag he had purchased it in, and thrust it onto the bed dramatically. Some debris and such fell onto to the bed, but who cared. It was only Ryoma's bed.

The cat blinked at the plant. Then looked at Nanjiroh, blinked again, and gave him _that damn look_, which roughly translated into 'Yes…and what do you expect me to do with that?' and generally made Nanjiroh feel like a complete idiot. But surely not this time! It was only a matter of time. It was catnip for hells sake!

Karupin was still staring at him, before she lazily turned her disinterested gaze to the plant next to her.

A few minutes later, and Karupin flopped back down, completely ignoring the plant. Nanjiroh frowned. This wasn't meant to happen! The cat was meant to go mad and entertain him!

With a growl of impatience, Nanjiroh grabbed a leaf off the plant and shoved it right under Karupin's nose. For a second she didn't react, but then her nose twitched slightly. Slight, but there. The cat seemed to freeze, though Nanjiroh doubted she had been moving much in the first place. Then, she sniffed again. Her eyes shot open so fast Nanjiroh blinked.

That's how it began.

And now, an hour later, Karupin was bounding round Ryoma's room, knocking various things over, and causing general mayhem! Nanjiroh looked on with a grin. Of course, the past hour had not just been spent in this one room, oh no, they had been all OVER the house. Even in the garden! But Nanjiroh knew his wife wouldn't like it if the cat messed up the house too much, so decided it was best to stay in the boys room. That way the madness could be confined.

Of course.

That was the reason he had locked the insane cat in the boys room.

He had learnt though, not to try and stroke the cat during one of the phases. He had quite a few scratches on his arms, and his feet as well from where he had moved too suddenly and the cat had made a flying leap to try and eat his toes.

Karupin went through stages. It was okay to stroke her in stage 1. She was relatively calm then. She had a slight paranoid look about her, and seemed more edgy than usual, but was undoubtedly calm. Compared to the other stages. Stage 2 basically consisted of jumping playfully on things. You could probably stroke her than. Unfortunately stage 2 never lasted longer than a minute, before she went into stage 3. Full out 'I'm-going-to-jump-on-everything-that-moves-or-smells-or-is-bright-or-looks-strange-or-anything-that-looks-fragile-and-will-make-a-large-noise-when-I-break-or-anything-expensive'.

Nanjiroh grinned from his vantage point of his son's bed as a pair of his said sons trousers were made quick work of. Oh well. He didn't think the boy wore them much anyway.

When his niece returned from her studying, there were a few shrieks from the kitchen, but this was to be expected. Many things had been knocked over. Milk spilt. Bread destroyed. Bread _bin_ destroyed.

Luckily she returned home during Karupin's stage 1, and believed his story that he had bought the catnip only as a present for the cat, and had not expected all this madness to occur. The fool!

Besides, Nanjiroh pointed out, Karupin was having fun!

And indeed she was. Racing round everywhere, though she ran into a few walls every now and then, she seemed to be having a ball!

His niece sighed with a smile on her face, and went to clean up the mess, but not before telling Nanjiroh, "Ryoma won't be happy."

Nanjiroh grinned. Of course he knew! That's what made this all the more fun!

His wife returned, and Nanjiroh told her grimly the cat had gone slightly crazy after he had bought it some catnip as a present. Luckily, the house was clean thanks to his niece, so she didn't freak out and go major 'You're-sleeping-on-the-couch-and-no-more-porn-for-you!'. His wife had sighed, but didn't seem too annoyed because he had actually bought the things she had asked for (mostly). Besides, he told her in a reassuring voice, he had isolated the problem. She didn't ask anymore questions. Which was lucky. As he had locked both the cat and the catnip in the boys room.

When did the brat get home? He couldn't watch Karupin wreak havoc on his son's room as this would get his wife suspicious. But it was getting boring. Where was his porn again? Had he hidden it in the washing basket or the back of the fridge?

It was in fact 2 hours later that his bratty son got home. Nanjiroh didn't notice him, as he was too busy reading the newspaper with porn hidden in it. He only got an indication of his sons return from the extremely loud, alarmed yells that were coming from the general direction of Karupin's isolation ward, aka Ryoma's room. Nanjiroh grinned as he got up, and folding the newspaper carefully so as not to crease the porn. He strolled leisurely to the origin of the yells of profanities, random alarmed noises, and he swore he heard a few squeaks.

He slid into the room, and even his eyebrows rose; and he had seen most of the damage.

Or so he had thought.

In truth, it looked like a mini-hurricane had struck in the form of a white, fluffy cat, determined to destroy everything possible, and have a valiant effort at destroying the things that couldn't.

In the middle of the mayhem, was Karupin. Lying on the remains of what had been Ryoma's clothes. Actually, she was lying in the same position as she had been when Nanjiroh had first found her.

Also, what was left of the sunlight was shining on her. She had managed to open the curtains in the madness, the genius cat.

Ryoma was kneeling in the carnage, eyes wide, looking like he was having trouble comprehending the destruction of his room. Poor kid, denial only prolonged the pain.

The kid stayed down there for a few minutes. A few minutes more. Well this was boring. Nanjiroh blinked and looked around the room. It wasn't _that_ bad. I mean, they could replace that alarm clock, and he never read those books anyway, and he never played that game anymore. What was the big deal? It was all superficial, it looked way worse than it was.

"You…"

Nanjiroh blinked. Ohhh, it had spoken! What had it said?

"You…"

"Hmmm?"

Poor kid couldn't form sentences.

"You…you…did…"

It made his heart bleed, it really did.

"You did this, you bastard!"

Ahh, well, Ryoma had recovered his ability to speak with a vengeance!

"Hmm, Ryoma, that doesn't make sense! The cat did it! Now, get up. Tennis, now."

This was getting old, Nanjiroh decided. He was sure he could twist this to some kind of tennis-related lesson. Like…not to value superficial objects too much, as your drugged-up cat may destroy them, so play tennis more.

"You destroyed my room!"

"What! Idiot! I told you, the cat did it!"

"You made the cat do it! You did! What did you do to my cat!"

"I only gave her the catnip, brat! She's the one who went on a mad drug-induced kick! Not me!" Well, only once. And that was years ago, ancient history.

"You…you gave her catnip!"

"Yes. Whatever. Tennis. Now."

"You! No, I-!"

They were interrupted by a quiet mewl from cat lying, innocently on the ground. She slowly got up, stretched, and looked around with a fairly dopy, but also pained expression.

"Huh, the cats got a hangover." Nanjiroh chuckled. Heh…the cat had a hangover.

"You…gave my cat a hangover!"

"Nope, the catnip did."

"You gave her the catnip!"

"Okay, whatever. Indirectly, I gave her a hangover. Get over it. Racket. Courts. Tennis. Now. Go."

"No! You…you're a danger to her! You-"

They were interrupted once again by his niece (she had fantastic timing), as she poked her head round the door, and began, "What's all the yelli-EEK! WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED IN HERE!"

The two male Echizen's exchanged looks, before Ryoma pointed at his Dad and Nanjiroh pointed at the cat who was just walking into Ryoma's bedpost.

"Oh dear…Looks like you're going to need some new pyjamas, Ryoma. And…shorts, t-shirts, maybe jackets too. Is that your spare tennis bag?"

"It was." Ryoma answered grimly.

Nanjiroh groaned. Everyone was so depressing. It was just a room! It could be cleaned!

His groan seemed to remind his son he was there, as he turned and glared at him once more.

"I'll get you for this." He growled out.

Nanjiroh grinned, "Bring it, boy."

Ryoma grinned back. That was unnerving. "MUM!"

Nanjiroh's eyes widened, "No! Wait! What are you doing?"

Ryoma ignored him. "Muuuum! Dad drugged the cat and destroyed my roooom! And he hid porn in the fridge! And he-mmmggg-"

Nanjiroh had leapt on his son, his hand covering his mouth. He hissed out, "What have you done boy?"

The kid was struggling in his arms. He managed to free his mouth somehow to yell- "HE ORDERED THE PORN CHANNEL WITH YOUR CREDIT CARD!"

"YOU IDIOT! HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT!"

Ryoma merely grinned up at him.

"Do you have any idea what you've just done." He hissed at him. "Deaaaar! He's lying! He sniffed some catnip! He's off his head! He-"

"NANJIROH!"

Even his niece winced, so of course elder and younger Echizen did so as well at the woman's harsh tone, though Nanjiroh more so. He was so, damn, doomed.

"Yes dear! Didn't you hear me! He's high, high I tell you!"

"MUM! DAD STOLE MY POCKET MONEY TO BUY 'SWIMMING BABES MONTHLY'!"

Nanjiroh froze, "Th-that's not even true!"

Ryoma smirked at up at him from where Nanjiroh held him. "You little shit!"

"Hey, is the cat okay? She's walking in circles…" his niece asked, looking worriedly at the cat, who was walking in a rather wobbly circle.

"Yeah yeah, give her a little while to get her bearings…"

"Really? 'Cos she's been doing it for 3 minutes now…"

"Yeah…well….it's perfectly normal for cats…."

"You bastard. You broke my cat."

"Shut up, brat!"

"NAN-JIR-OH, IF YOU ARE NOT DOWN HERE IN 5 SECONDS, SO HELP ME!"

Nanjiroh squeaked. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and right now, his wife was really scorned.

"Coming dear!" Nanjiroh yelled back. He glared at the boy, before releasing him and stomping out of the room. He turned around at the door, and saw his son staring down at his cat who appeared to have walked into his leg, and been unable to change directions, so was now just walking into Ryoma's leg. "I'll get you for this, brat."

Ryoma looked over at him and smirked, "How many weeks on the couch? 2, 3?"

Nanjiroh growled, before jumping at his wife's yell of , "It's been 5 seconds, so I'm BURNING YOUR MAGAZINES AND YOUR LITTLE BLACK BOOK!"

"AHHHH, WOMAN, NOOOOO!"


End file.
